:)

Hello! :)

Been gone for almost a week because school started!!! And yeah you can see that angry post below v but everything is alright now. :) Met the boy on Tuesday and Wednesday. :) And um currently having 2 modules.. Communication Graphics and Japanese for my CDS! I'm quite stress, for I have 3 modules that I have to retake.. urgh... -_- and that if I fail any of my core module now I might have a sem 4.1 which really suck.. So I told PK oppa and babyboy to support me if not I will really stress until no hair ok not so serious but really.. :((

Timing now is 3-9 which is yay because I get to sleep in until afternoon then head for school. :) Gonna be 1 week past for this block and it seems easy.. but no I really suck at photoshop when it comes to the final assignment zzz. Jap is tough too.. gonna have a show and tell about the Japanese culture. The language isn't a big problem because I've been learning from ANIME!! :)

Currently re-watching D. Gray-Man and approaching the end soon and I'm really sad because there wasn't any continuation for it. It is supposed to have!! :( Ok anyway.. it is raining now and such a good weather to sleep now but I'd decided to blog since I have the time.

Was chatting on the phone with Victor just now around 11ish and he was so clingy. Haha I mean it is not that I don't like but I find that the feeling is really nice when you know somebody is missing you or worrying about you. :) Like just now I went out for supper with PK oppa and he was like worried, afterall I'm a girl. I told him we're going geylang to eat but in the end pk didn't bring his bike keys out so we went mac instead. :)

I always don't have the time to go out with Victor. Out as in shopping around, to the movies etc.. because NS men tired ma, so weekends for them to camp at home. Kinda upset but he said he will fork time out to go gai gai with me!!! So happy!! :D and I wanna make a debit card on both DBS/POSB and Frank by OCBC! But no time.... -_- I don't even have time to cut my hair sigh. Really wanna get it cut soon.

Anyway gonna head to school at 3 in the afternoon so I'm gonna sleep now yay love the weather! Best for sleeping. And love my baby boy for being so.. lovely. And sometimes doing the kiddy voice which only I hears them hahahaha meltzzzz* ok goodnight lovelies :) <3

Sick...... and tired.

Hi.......... It's 5:35 in the morning. Just finish 9gagging which took the whole day for me to finish tracking back to what I read because I don't go 9gag so often now :/ just wanted to finish it before I blog.

Alright... yesterday, just stayed at home. Slept 13.5 hours because yeah no because.. -_- previous night slept at around 2.30am because I was really tired from work.. don't know whether it is because Michie wasn't doing gushcloud with me or what.. she was doing sticker lol. Kai didn't want me to do sticker because he said I do too good for gushcloud already @_@ Only worked for 3 hours and left because I was really tired. Michie went off first to meet Alfee @ bugis and I went home alone. Yep.

Stayed at home the whole of Friday.. and until the night I started to get a lil' worried about Victor. Nowhere in sight, not on garena and fb. So I thought prolly fixing his blue screen problem. Oh yeah haven been talking a lot because some things happened.. see below's post. Prolly just exchange text 4 times a day. Then decided to give a text at 11 to ask where is he.. reply gotten was having supper with his sec school mates. So I replied,"Ok, then at least tell me?" Didn't say I was worried though. Reply gotten again was saying we didn't text so he didn't tell me. Gotten really pissed because by saying means I have to initiate to text?? Hello I'd been doing that for the past 3 days what the fuck you want somemore? So I replied I worried for the whole day for nothing etc. And he say if this is the case I rather we don't talk.

Me: Wtf? What case?
Him: if this is still your tone.

Seriously at some point of time I REALLY DON'T MIND PLEADING OR BEGGING YOU TO TALK TO ME. WHY? BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. And seriously you were the one who gave me cold replies in the first place why make it as if I have to sweet talk you to calm you down? Previous day texting Victor after I ended work, saying I just end work and asked where is he. Normal reply of would be caring or whatever along this line. Shit gotten was,"In camp. Today never go out." Orly seems like whether I'm fine or not doesn't really matter. Sure if you don't concern about me. Just that if I got into some problem you won't be seeing me again why not.

Seriously hate it when I already said sorry and what not to appease you but this is the shit I get. Talking about compromising and fairness. There is no fucking fairness in relationship. Whatever I do is wrong. Whatever the other party do is correct.

Gotten my timetable and appeared that I have 3-6 classes. But supposed to have CDS but it isn't reflected on the timetable. Fucking shit. Emailed Aida for clarification. Afraid that CDS will be 6-9 in the night, that's why I wanna talk to each other and meet this weekend which is the last 2 days of holidays. Then yeah gotten shit again seriously. I really really fucking hate it.

Had done enough begging and compromising which always FAIL and pleading but no they don't work in the end. Seriously why am I doing all these shits because I was the one being chased by Victor and not me chasing him. Why when we're together the things are the other way round? Stop with all your cold replies acting cool and saying you need time because sure, whatever time you need, once my school starts and if CDS is 6-9, you have ALL the time okay. I am seriously very fucking sick of pleading and begging because they don't work.

Right now I'm crying my eyes out and heart is cringing but I guessed you had fun with your mates huh. I am seriously not a toy that when you wanna talk to, you talk. When you feel that you don't want to, YOU KICK ME AWAY. I'd enough of this and I don't want to waste my time at home worrying NUTS for you because you don't fucking appreciate. You wanna find a girl that is a good dog and listen to you? Sure go ahead. The fb relationship status is always there for you to change it. Up to you. You have your limit, I have too. Show me your swag by giving cool replies and there goes our relationship. I don't care anymore. Letting myself hurt over the same guy OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Who in the world will be as stupid as me?

Tired. Heading out no matter what. I'm like a bomb waiting to get diffused but I can't sit around anymore. Damn sick.. of crying over useless things.

School..

Hello. Impromptu decision to blog at 5 in the morning because I'm feeling a bit... not the usual self. :(

Wokay. Went to work yesterday from 5 to 9.. then home.. had a tiff with Victor. Didn't meant to. But, sigh. Don't wanna quarrel nor ignore each other because I'm only left with mere 3 days of holidays :( and yeah, just realised school is approaching and partly the reason why I'm blogging. The feeling is not 'sian', nor happy. Just tired..

Thinking of sleepless night because of assignments and submission or being woke up by alarm clock is really not nice >:( already told myself to work harder for this time round and not slack so much like the past because a year has past and I really don't want to waste my mum's money. Really damn sick of school AHHHH no I can't!!! So many people left RHD since sem 1.2 started. Hayley, Depak, Shamyra, Joyce, Jean and Xunhao. Ok not a lot but still.

Oh yeah bumped into Hayley in the mrt last Monday! Was really coincidence because she could have went other doors or I could be at other door but just that door I'm at, she came in. :) Chatted until I alighted at Bishan. And yeap I bumped into Shimin, YES MJR 4D'S SMALL SHIMIN, at Macpherson on the same day also. Accompanied her the whole ride since she is going school at NYP, which is at YCK and I'm even further as I'm stopping at Admiralty. :) Ah wait... bumped into Lio at Bishan while waiting for the red line train LOL. My morning seems so eventful. First time seeing Lio in real life because he is my gamer friend which I only talked online to but he was on duty too. NSF lol. Texted him to ask where was he..

Me: Bitch where you?
Lio: Bishan leh. Why?
Me: Wa i passing by there leh. At macpherson waiting for train to bishan.
Lio: Haha im resting in the police room leh. Having break.
Me: Diu then nvm lo bo bianz.

So I thought like prolly no chance to bump into him since he is resting.. then I saw 2 guys coming up from the escalator wearing that uniform.. You know the one that patrol around stations kind? Ya that one haha. Behind got another 2.. and one of them is Lio.. LOL. Wasn't really sure it was him but he was looking at me and I knew it was him. Kept staring at him with the death look because he is on duty so can't talk to anyone lol. After 30 seconds:

Lio: I think i saw you. LOL
Me: YA LA IS ME I DIAO YOU HEHE. Still use phone ah -.-
Lio: Hahaha no one at the end ma. Just use lor. Whr you going?
Me: Lol i going adm leh. Bf house there. You going where?

Then when I was sitting in the train he and his duty mates walked past me to go to the front cabin -_- gave him that death stare again.. and then I reached adm!

Lio: Lol im at adm also. Having break.

Aww too bad was already at Victor's house! Hahaha. But was really nice seeing all of them on a morning. Didn't really slept a lot and went over to baby's house because he took off and wanted to spend some time together. :) in the end I went over his house I slept for 5 hours -_- boy fixing his com for eternity. Until now it's not fixed yet. Lol.

Sigh got to face school with positive mind, moreover both the J is not there anymore :((((( okay shall end my post damn wordy dui bu qi. Gudnight. Gonna work tomorrow again. Hope everything is fine.

Love you baby.

3rd month and macarons.

Hello guys~ Yesterday was the 17.. which means, it's the 3rd month of me and my babyboy. Time really past damn fastttttttt. Unable to celebrate or even meeting because it's a Tuesday, means nights out only till 930. Nahhhhh, he got duty means can't even come out. Still got the cheek to ask me go have an 爱心 delivery for him hahaha damn cute. Being together and knowing each other through these 6 years, not there physically but mentally.. able to read each other's mind or even through actions. Don't even bother not telling anything because we can sense each other. Haha. :) Will be together for more and more more months. :) love you baby. <3

Ya old photo because we don't have a lot of photos... when that boy got his iphone 5 hehehe.. ^^

Tomorrow is Wednesday! Gonna work ~.~ School is starting next week :((((( gotta sleep till full with no alarm clock ringing me up lol. Bye~

Oh yeah, the photos of macarons given by my babyboy..

Ate 4 of them, left the first 2 hahahaha yumyumzzzz. :) GOODNIGHTZ

Macarons from beloved baby.

Hello!!!!! Hehe today's post is not gonna be a sad one. But rather happy one. :)

Something bad happened yesterday though. But I'm glad things turned out for the better. :) Went to T&G to get my umbrella which I left it there last month and to shun bian make appointment to cut hair + colour ^-^ Went to town with Odie yesterday after she down bleaching her hair my god bleach until the scalp burnt. Accompanied her to buy things and I went off earlier because babyboy went my house area..

Rushed back and met with him. He gave me macarons from Canele! I really like it. Like until I haven eat it hahaha too pretty! He says it's his fave. :) I geh gao with him saying the girl he used to woo he also got buy. Acted like I'm angry hehe. I'll take photo of it before eating harhar! :D

It's 4 now! Was doing some intense research of Victor's fb haha. Saw so many things from the past and it makes me miss him more. Seeing him happy and laughing until wrinkles come out. Haha ^-^ OK TIME FOR BED. GONNA WORK TOMORROW! Meeting michie to eat lunch before work :) Gdnight lovelies.

I'll see baby soon.. :) Prolly Sunday muaha ^-^ <3

Tired.

Hai guys.. I'm back. So fast huh haha. Went to babyboy's house yesterday and yep, shit happened... Hmm let's not talk about the shit now. Woke up about 3 plus yesterday because it started to rain in the morning and it was so comfortable that I didn't woke up until 3. :):):) ate a lil' and went over. Surprised him with Kinder Surprise :D:D:D it's back for this Easter! But it is damn expensive.. $4.80 for one egg booo. But I really like it so I bought 3 from Candy Empire ^-^

Played dota and we went out to Macs to eat dinner. Hmm stomach wasn't feeling well and we gotta da bao back. Sigh. So upset because I wanted to eat there and chitchat :(((( guess there will be another time :/ went back his house and I wanted to bathe so baby went to find towel for me. Since I'm going his house I don't bring a lot of necessities because I can just use his. Yup.

And um, did I mention that his mum doesn't like me? I have no idea why.. but hmm Victor was my ex-boyfriend 3 years back. And because things didn't work out, we broke off. I can say I was really to an extreme back then that I went over his house to look for his mum to talk about this. Ok that sounded really fierce but no I mean like I wished that he won't just leave for good like that and that maybe his mum can talk him out.. Then eventually things really didn't work out, I just call his mum at times to you know, ask how she's doing and all. Then CNY will just give a call and say Happy CNY that sort of thing.

Ok I'll say what happened to my relationships.. Throughout the 3 years that we are not together, as people know, I got together with Jamuel. But even when I'm with Jam, I started talking to Victor(but of course not frequently) after I feel that I can treat him as a friend and not someone that I hated because shit happened. And sometimes on fb I do post things and hinted that I'm sad, Victor will just text or comment to ask if I'm ok. Undeniable, I do check his fb to see how he's doing as a friend. And if I see that he's not feeling good I'll give him a text to give concern. Checking his fb becomes my routine ever since we broke up. So there was no way I won't check because it became my habit.

After me and Jam broke up, it was just the start of Poly. So I had poly friends around me to accompany me, and also workload was really a lot that's why I could pull through. And I think it was until last year September that I started going out with Victor. No we don't always go out. Like maybe once a month. Because he is an army boy, only free on Saturday. And not every Saturday is always for me so yeah once a month that is. But we do text and maybe some short calls.

We began talking a lot more than last time and got closer. Until this year Jan's that we got together after a lot of thinking and assurance.. So I went over his crib for the first time after so long, with his dad at home. I just greeted and eat at the living room and talk to Victor. His dad didn't really care about us and I wondered if he recognise me because uh I've grown up and looked different. Then the next visit I went, the parents were at home and I greeted the both of them. As times goes by I don't greet them or say bye when I'm going home because I realise that actually his mum doesn't like me. I find it very hard to go his house at times.. Previously his mum did show unhappiness about me but it was behind my back, as what baby told me. But now, it's different. She just show her unhappiness infront of me. Like as if my existence doesn't matter. I feel that I was not even treated as a human being because they have a cat and yeah I was treated badly than the cat. I am like a nobody.

The things she said was really very displeasing but I tried to brush it off. Afterall she is an elderly. Not until his dad shows that he doesn't like me too. There was this time that I went over and his father came in to pass baby his letter and looked at me with the 'What are you doing at my house. Gtfo now.' face. I was really very angry because I didn't come here to look at his parent's face. But I have to because he can't come over my house because my dad doesn't like him as he thinks that he is bad. And sometimes we just wanna cuddle and sleep and not going out so I'd no choice but to go over to spend time together.

Yup back to yesterday. I wanted to shower so baby went to find towel and came out of his parent's room with one. But his mom throw him one and said,"这个是她用过的，拿给她，用完了就丢掉不要拿去洗。" The tone she uses was really damn ugly. In English it is,"This towel she used before, give her use, use already just throw away don't need to wash." It is like saying I'm dirty or that she don't want to wash what I used.. Victor can't tolerate me being treated like that and shoot her mum saying what did I do to have this treatment, and that they wouldn't like being treated like this too. And something being said at the back but I can't remember because baby was like mumbling or something..

Actually I was planning to sleepover for the night but I was really having bad stomach upset so I intended to go home. And because I can't stayover his house for some reason.. so after awhile, his mum came in and said to bring me home don't stay here. And that Victor replied rudely saying that he knows what to do and don't bother him. The way that he talk to his mum is really bad and Idk whether his mum think that I taught his son to be like this to talk to her or that I'm a bad influence to him.. or even a bad girl to be with.

At times I feel that I really don't deserve this and that they can't judge me. Like my parents doesn't even treat me like that and they do. I talked to pk oppa about this yesterday and he advised me to stop going his house since they are treating me like that and there is no way to improve the relationship. I wish I can but sometimes I just wish to have someone to cuddle to hug to spend time with at home and not always going out. We don't see each other on regular basis, prolly max 3 times a week.. Really feel very wronged.. :'( although I know baby is always defending for me but the image that I have for his parents, there is nothing I can do. Feels so helpless at times..

-

Actually I have something to blog about too. So today when I was playing dota with baby, I tend to be more vulgar. And Victor was saying that I was very rude and he doesn't like me being so vulgar like I'm a typical ah lian. I really dislike it when people try to correct my language because I'm born like that. No not so big but my family are like this. We communicate a lot of vulgarities. And I am also cutting down. I choose who I vulgar with. Like with TTC. They are retarded so vulgarities are needed. I guess I really need to cut down... though I'm really did because I know myself. Like telling me not to say vulgarities is telling me not to be myself. Just... weird....... k enough.

Tired of these word vomit. Just finish watching Strong Heart YG Family Special and the ending was so sad that I cried. :( Who can read until here deserve credit. Goodnight.

Hello gaiz. :) Been long yeahhhhhhhhhh. Life is hmm... better now since there are no school. Like assignments blahhhhh. Been missing from here for a month plus. Had a lot going on but I don't come here and pen them down because I think it's too public sometimes so I rather hmm... keep it to myself. Prolly only comes here when I have something in mind..... like now.

Went out for dinner with Chermaine and Iggy. A very last minute at 4am in the morning as Cher just fb msg me and ask if I'm free for dinner and yup I was so we went Fat Boys' at Katong to eat haha. Then went over to Ice Cream Chef to eat some ice cream :) went home after that chasing after 155... to realise I took the wrong direction and it looped to a ulu place... a place where the driver opened the door and went behind a bush TO PEE AND LEAVE ME ALONE IN THE BUS. Ya I was the only soul in the bus other than the driver.. :( so scary zzz....

Came home with hmm... bad welcome from boyfriend. The way he speaks is different from how it is usually and from me knowing him for going 6 years... yup. He just 'nah' when i said he's unhappy about something. I always hate it when this happen. I find it funny when I'm obliged to tell him how I'm feeling but he doesn't need to. Does that mean I'm not powerful enough for him to SPEAK UP. Damn annoyed to an extent of crying, now and just want him to know but he just keep repeating the same thing over and over again. Like if I'm trying to solve things he just go offline and sleep. Normal human can sleep while quarreling? I'm amused, really. Or like keeping mum about whatever he's unhappy about like it will solve everything. Really sick of it. Trying to do the best of us but no he's not helping and I'm tired at times. Times like these I just fuck care everything and do my own thing because he has been affecting me like this for no reason. By affecting is hurting me. Times like this I just wanna do my stuffs and don't bother trying because it ain't gonna help since it can't only be me trying.

Hate it when we can't compromise each other. I care about you, and I know you're caring about me. But it's more to the extent of controlling me. Like who I go out with.. by controlling makes me feel that you don't trust me for taking good care of myself.. I always say I'm already 18. I'm not that young lil' stupid girl that you dated 3 years back. I had my times being single where no one is there to rely on and I do things myself. So put faith in me and trust me will you? Because I am sure you won't like the feeling of me controlling you either. I know you care, I really do. I love you.

I'm gonna leave this space... when I'm sad I'll be back. Off to watch anime which I am re-watching.. D. gray-man. Nights earthlings.