I tried..

Heya. Back. One week past.. which also means one week of holidays just past too. I am always being told that I'm stronger than I what I think. I also thought that way too. But I guess things just doesn't always go your way. Never without fail, every single day, every single moment I think of you. I can't stop. I have thoughts all in my head. I wish you are still here. I wanna do those things that I have done with you all over again. Even today afternoon, I got woken up in my dream. I was crying inside and yes I woke up with tears. I dreamt of you. This is not the first.. I wish I am really stronger than this.

Now that I'm alone for the second week of holidays, I don't know what to do. Dearest Cheng that was always there now in Aussie having fun, Ronald serving the nation and Lin Gang miles away back at China. Gladly caught up with Cheng after a few days of not seeing her on Friday before she flies off. Was just casually talking about you and I just cry infront of her. I was shocked at myself. I was saying to her... I don't know if I feel sad is because I'm unlucky to love you or that I'm upset for you and for us. Many times I wish that you didn't give up on us. Because no matter what you did to disappoint me I'll still love you.

I still hope to receive a text from you saying you're outside my house, or just giving me a text saying that you miss me a lot. Or even a random word,"Call?" I don't even know why I'm hoping. Feeling so miserable inside I don't even know when I've lost myself. Even by going back to places that we had memories at makes me feel so hurt. Just like just now, going feifei with Noah. Reminds me of you. Countless times I have the urge of just calling or messaging you and say something like,"I never once stopped loving you." or "I have always miss you." or even now that Man Of Steel has aired and I know you wanna watch. I wanna ask you out for a movie. But at the current situation that I'm in, I can't bring myself to. I can't even look at you and remind myself that,"We're already long over." All that's coming to me is just hoping for something that will not come. I feel so hopeless.

This is me that other people could not see when they are with me. But every single moment, I do think of you. I am sorry. I am not strong than I seems to be. Maybe all that's happening is what menses doing to me but they are never wrong. Sucks to be me. :'(

You were a part of me.

Officially back to single life. Things ended of better than I expected. I thank that I once had you. And yes, I tried my best but not everytime you try, you get something in return yeah? Friends are better off now. If there is any chance again in the future, then it is for the future to know. You said, "If there is a will, there is a way." Who knows by then I have someone else who is willing to love me whole-heartedly, or you found a girl that triggers you to try. But whatever it is, I wish you all the best. And that you are still that fucker who loves to get scolded from me.

Went for supper with bro and he feels that I have not met a guy that truly loves me. I guess.... I'm just down on luck. Ohhhhhkay..... short blog entry about the life now and yes holidays just started and I'm already planning lots of getaways with my girls!!! And... I guess no matter how short we're together before I should at least showcase your face here but eh... prolly not now since my phone is away from me pfft.

Went of 1 hour break on dota with junlin and totally wasting my time. Pfft... it is 4 but I feel like there is nothing for me to do now that I'm single and not obliged to talk to anyone on the phone right now. I must say it will be something I will miss. Phone calls. Late night phone calls. I miss you.

I felt okay earlier on though. But now that I'm left alone at the living room.. it suddenly feels empty. Yes, I miss you, and I loved you. I am not gonna say that I stopped loving you but seeing you leading a life that you truly wanted without any restrictions is what I can only do to see you happy. You were a part of me. Thanks for being there when I needed someone. I know we will still be good friends. I love you.

Let the new chapter begins.