Hey I know I'm gonna die later for consultation but when the feels to blog, nothing can stops. :)
So yeap, after being on hiatus again, I'm coming back here not because it is a quarrel. We can't even quarrel anymore and yes, we ended it. It may not be a bad thing afterall, if being together is something that is dreading, why be together? Although it isn't easy, but I can say I'm really getting better each day after each day. But there is still that feeling inside the chest that can't be described about. Feels so stuffy inside, it's not that I want to but it's just there.
Question I always ask myself when my mind is blank: Why must things ended up this way? I would have come to this small little thought.. that it is my fault.
As I looked back, we created so many sweet and happy memories but right now, things aren't the same. I always tell myself that I've met the wrong guy. Yes I really did. Wrong guy not as he's not the one for me but he's not mature enough to solve a problem in a relationship. Yes we drifted even when we're in the relationship. But that's only you. You tell people that "I won't fight until I'm given a reason to fight." Don't contradict because I tried all my best and all you did was pissing off and giving me shitty replies.
Really miss those days that I was your everything and you were mine. When did we last lied on the bed staring at the ceiling and talking away about anything and everything? When did we last shared songs? When did we last watched movie together? When did we last called each other to wake each other up and go school?
Time change, people change with it. Maybe right now, you're not someone who is devoted to relationship. I hope you will in future and cherish the girl that willing to do anything for you in future. And for you to make her your everything like she's the only girl in the world.
I was really hurt, when I found out things by myself. If we had trust, we wouldn't go to this extent. If you still loved me and doing something for the relationship, things wouldn't happened. My mind is really blank now because there is so many things to write but I don't know how to start. Yes I may have lost a boyfriend, but I'd gain tons of friends. Friends that you didn't hang out with when you have them. Friends that really give a shit about me more than you. If it aren't for them, I wouldn't grow wiser. & one thing I'd learn from our relationship: Think of what he is like, will you grow to change your lifestyle to be like him? And also..
"Change for yourself, not for someone else."