Sorry blog. Neglected you again.. and yes, back to seek comfort by writing down. Got attached a week ago but I guess it's gonna blow off soon. Idk what to do to save it.. Feeling like shit now. Talked to Jesh and she just kept telling me that he is not the one. And blowing off so fast just shows that we are not suited for each other. I wanna tell myself that too, just to make myself feel better. But the thought of not having a shoulder to lie on anymore and a kiss before I leave, a hug after a long day in school and jumping into his chest, holding hands and walking through the path under the moonlight.. I really really... wish that he is the one.
This is where the stubborn side of me coming in.. don't wanna let go. No matter how I feel that things are not working out. I just don't want to lose you. I don't want to go back to just friends with you but I really want to spend my life with you. Looking at myself every night, thinking why did I become like this? How can such a sweet little young girl that was all over love, so so innocent and can't bear to be angry at the person turns to be a person that have anger management issues and starts raging? Where was the old me that was full of patience and love? Don't recall when I lose it.
Stopped losing trust, hope and expectations in relationships. Probably all these is what made to be what I am now. For the dearest boy, you know I still love you. I know our differences are big. I will try to be the better me.. can you just not give up for once? I don't wanna lose you... just yet.....
心很痛。宝贝，我爱你。对不起，我不是你想要的那个人。
Eyes tearing, heart ripping.